by admin on December 31, 2007
The end of the year presents a natural opportunity to take stock. If all is likely to be well, we’re eager to take stock and celebrate the good news. If we’re not so sure, and can avoid or delay taking a careful look, we may do so.
One reason that we may be reluctant to face the fact that our business or our family is not faring as well as we would like is that we suspect that we won’t have options to improve the situation. Why look closely at the rocks ahead if we don’t know how to change course?
Various professionals can help with various challenges: a structural reorganization or buy-sell agreement can help a business. A geriatric case manager or an elder law attorney can help a family.
A mediator is a different type of professional. A mediator works with the parties involved in a challenging situation to help them reach decisions that will serve their needs. Making fundamental decisions about how a family will care for an aging parent or how a business will — or won’t — pass on to the next generation is an often essential first step before other professionals can create a plan to achieve the family’s priorities.
Knowing that there is a way to change course can empower us to look at the rocks ahead and then act while we can.
by admin on December 30, 2007
Last time I talked about the great benefit to a family that comes from creating a communications plan before one is needed and how having family together over the holidays can provide an opportunity to create that plan.
Sometimes being together over the holidays and seeing everyone face to face provides unmistakable proof that some difficult decisions need to be made, involving a family business or family member — or both. An important first step is to acknowledge explicitly that those decisions need to be made, whatever they may be. If those involved can agree to start a decision-making process (instead of engaging in denial or delay), they may keep open options that will be unavailable if they fail to take action.
by admin on December 26, 2007
“…’Tis the season to be jolly….” It’s no secret that the holidays can be a stressful time for families. Old wounds can be reopened, old grudges renewed, buried emotions reignited. People who are rarely see each other may be together for days on end.
But the holidays also present an opportunity for families.
Sometimes a family should focus simply on setting up some kind of communications plan for the future. Just having some agreed upon method for communicating can be a great benefit if communications need to be made in a crisis. Whether in a family business or in an extended family with an aging parent — or a combination of the two — thoughtful planning can avoid missteps or bruised feelings when time is critical and emotions are running high.
by admin on December 11, 2007
On December 9, 2007, the New York Times published an article titled, “No, We Don’t Want to Kiss and Make Up” by Abby Goodnough. The article explored conflicts that take the form of long-running grudges and feuds. These disputes can plague families, and business, professional, or academic rivals for decades.
The article cites the famous feud between the families of the Hatfields and the McCoys: public, violent, and lengthy. The clans fought in Appalachia in the late 1880’s about land, intermarriage, and a hog. This bitter conflict featured kidnappings, arson, murders, trials, and executions.
In 2003, eighty members of the two families signed a truce, drafted by businessman Reo Hatfield. The article quotes him as saying: “Our hostilities were based on real-life disputes over land and politics. We were both good families; we were just conflicted.”
Mr. Hatfield succinctly sums up an important concept: even “good” families can find themselves in conflict. Unfortunately, individual members of a family can find it hard to accept that they are in conflict because they believe (mistakenly) that a “good” family would never find itself in such a position. That denial leads, in turn, to an inability to take positive action to resolve the conflict. It would be better to reflect on Mr. Hatfield’s wisdom; even a McCoy could agree.