by admin on September 27, 2009
Yesterday’s New York Times included an article by Lesley Alderman titled “When Elder Care Problems Escalate, You Can Hire an Expert.” The article described the valuable role that geriatric care managers can play in helping elderly loved ones age safely. When families need help with health assessments, living accommodations, medication management, attending doctors’ appointments, finding in-home health care, and related issues, a geriatric care manager can help. Their involvement in a case can be brief, a few hours of consultation, or long-term, with one interviewee spending 20 years helping a client.
In contrast, an elder mediator is focused on the decision-making process a family might face regarding an aging loved one’s well-being. The elder mediator works with those involved to reach decisions and make plans that fit their unique situation. At times an elder mediator could help a family decide whether to seek the help of a geriatric care manager — and how to pay for it. At other times, a geriatric care manager could refer a family to an elder mediator to resolve conflicts surrounding care, finances, communications, and other issues.
by admin on September 26, 2009
On September 24, 2009, I had the good fortune to speak to the Women in Business group of the Hamden Chamber of Commerce. We started with some general, very interactive, discussion about common causes of conflict, at home and on the job. As you might expect, kids, spouses, co-workers, and the people we need to make our business hum topped the list.
Then we moved on to some practical tips about preventing, reducing, and resolving conflicts. As I have said before, conflict is a part of life. Managing conflict so that it does minimum damage is the key.
by admin on September 23, 2009
Last week, I had the welcome opportunity to talk to the Shoreline Eldercare Alliance about elder mediation at their regular meeting in East Haven, Connecticut. The Shoreline Eldercare Alliance, or SEA, describes itself as “a group of ethical business owners and representatives of area organizations who provide senior adults and community members with information, resource referrals, education, and quality professional services.” These professionals covered a wide spectrum of care and services for elderly people and carried a depth of knowledge about aging safely, productively, and contentedly.
It was a pleasure to talk to SEA and explain a bit about the growing field of elder mediation to individuals who every day work closely with families and their aging loved ones.
by admin on September 13, 2009
In the New York Times “Wealth Matters” column on September 5, 2009, Paul Sullivan wrote about a dispute between neighbors in “Somebody’s Watching … And Ready to Sue.” He described the case of Westport, CT neighbors feuding over a stone wall that cost $170,000 to install in 2005. Since then, the couple that built the wall have spent $150,000 in legal expenses and $50,000 in modifications and inspections of the wall — easily surpassing the cost of the wall itself. The town of Westport also filed a complaint against the owners of the wall, over wetland and property line issues. So now two lawsuits are pending in Superior Court and no end is in sight.
As the author notes, one of the lessons here is to identify in these disputes, “What is the Goal?” Knowing how long you are willing to fight, when you begin, is important but rarely considered. Everyone begins convinced that they are right and they will be vindicated. Then the financial and emotional tolls mount, along with the distraction from all of the other important things in the disputants’ lives.
Knowing what you want to accomplish is important too. In the classic description of conflict resolution, know your “interests”, not just your “positions”. Here, the positions are clear: one side wants the wall just as it is and the other wants it torn down. If the parties explored their underlying interests in a non-confrontational manner, they might find a solution that both sides could live with and bring their conflict to an end.