by admin on February 23, 2010
Tiger Woods’ recent mea culpa led to a number of comments and critiques. One of the most interesting analyses came in a New York Times article on Sunday, “I Apologize. No, Really, I’m Serious, I…” by Paul Vitello. In it, he notes the work of Dr. Aaron Lazare, the author of “On Apology”, which focuses on personal, not public apologies, but has some real wisdom to share for both types of apologies.
Mr. Vitello quotes Dr. Lazare on four basic points. The second, according to Dr. Lazare, is that you must say what you did. What might that mean in the context of the Connecticut mediation and consulting work that Dovetail Resolutions does?
In business mediation, it might mean, “I’m sorry that I didn’t live up to my responsibilities as a partner, because I was too distracted by other business opportunities and missed appointments.” In mediation of a family wealth conflict, it might mean, “I’m sorry that I didn’t pay my share of the expenses for the vacation house by the time I agreed to do it.” In elder mediation, it might mean, “I’m sorry that I backed out of taking Mom to the dentist at the last minute, leaving you to do it (again.)”
by admin on February 23, 2010
Tiger Woods’ recent mea culpa led to a number of comments and critiques. One of the most interesting analyses came in a New York Times article on Sunday, “I Apologize. No, Really, I’m Serious, I…” by Paul Vitello. In it, he notes the work of Dr. Aaron Lazare, the author of “On Apology”, which focuses on personal, not public apologies, but has some real wisdom to share for both types of apologies.
Mr. Vitello quotes Dr. Lazare on four basic points. The third, according to Dr. Lazare, is that you must ask the offended person for forgiveness. Dr. Lazare stresses that this request is necessary — but not sufficient (more on that next time.) What might that mean in the context of the Connecticut mediation and consulting work that Dovetail Resolutions does?
In business mediation, it might mean, will give me another chance to do things the right way? In mediation of a family wealth conflict, it might mean, will you let me make things square and heal the family rift? In elder mediation, it might mean, will you forgive me for taking for granted all that you do for our family and Mom?
by admin on February 23, 2010
Tiger Woods’ recent mea culpa led to a number of comments and critiques. One of the most interesting analyses came in a New York Times article on Sunday, “I Apologize. No, Really, I’m Serious, I…” by Paul Vitello. In it, he notes the work of Dr. Aaron Lazare, the author of “On Apology”, which focuses on personal, not public apologies, but has some real wisdom to share for both types of apologies.
Mr. Vitello quotes Dr. Lazare on four basic points. The fourth, according to Dr. Lazare, is that you must ask the offended person what you need to do to make things right. What might that mean in the context of the Connecticut mediation and consulting work that Dovetail Resolutions does?
Most important, in all of the mediation work Dovetail Resolutions does, it means what it says: asking. Not telling. The person you offended needs to make the suggestion of how you can make things right, not you. In business mediation, it might mean, what can I do to fix this situation? In mediation of a family wealth conflict, it might mean, what can I do to regain your trust? In elder mediation, it might mean, how can I show you that I mean to do better?
by admin on February 23, 2010
Tiger Woods’ recent mea culpa led to a number of comments and critiques. One of the most interesting analyses came in a New York Times article on Sunday, “I Apologize. No, Really, I’m Serious, I…” by Paul Vitello. In it, he notes the work of Dr. Aaron Lazare, the author of “On Apology”, which focuses on personal, not public apologies, but has some real wisdom to share for both types of apologies.
Mr. Vitello quotes Dr. Lazare on four basic points. First, according to Dr. Lazare, an apology needs to be specific. What might that mean in the context of the Connecticut mediation and consulting work that Dovetail Resolutions does?
In business mediation, it might mean an apology about exactly what opportunity was lost, not a vague statement about things not working out. In mediation of a family wealth conflict, it might mean an apology about a particular decision made and the negative consequences that flowed from it. In elder mediation, it might mean an apology about a particular incident that inflamed emotions in the family.