by Jane Beddall on January 28, 2013
Ten days ago, after a short-term solution to the “fiscal cliff” was announced, the New York Times ran an article by James B. Stewart titled “In Budget Talks, Getting to ‘Yes’”. Stewart had interviewed various academic experts on the negotiation approaches that the Republicans and Democrats had been employing. Suffice it to say that the experts were not impressed. Hard lines and high risks were carrying the day.
In particular, William Ury, one of the authors of the classic book “Getting to Yes” noted: “So much of what we’re seeing is being driven by emotion, anger, frustration, and feelings of betrayal.” Daylian Cain, who teaches negotiation at the Yale School of Management, suggested that some lower-stress social events might “build some social capital for cliffs to come.”
I was struck by how clearly the sentiments of Dr. Ury and Professor Cain applied to families in conflict over money. So often, families find themselves driving wedges between family members over just those emotions — applied to money. Once they start down that path, low-key interactions can become rare or nonexistent. With no goodwill remaining, the next challenge is that much harder to overcome.
by Jane Beddall on November 13, 2012
Last month, Quinnipiac University School of Law hosted the Eighth John A. Speziale Alternative Dispute Resolution Symposium. This year the symposium covered “ADR in Hard Times: Can Alternative Dispute Resolution Maintain Access to Justice When Resources Are Limited?” I was honored to ask to serve as a Resource Participant in the afternoon breakout session on Family, Elder, and Probate Law.
Our group had a lively discussion about the ways that ADR — mostly mediation — can help with appropriate resolutions for various types of conflicts in these areas. In particular, we talked about how the court system (specifically the many subparts that can become enmeshed in these conflicts) can make better use of ADR, leading to both better processes and better results.
by Jane Beddall on July 31, 2012
The London Olympics are in full swing and the air is full of “victory” and “defeat”. It’s tempting, when just getting started in a family wealth conflict, to think about “winning” — whether that means outsmarting, outlasting, or outmaneuvering a family member.
Conflicts can start small, with little thought about what the very long-term implications can be when a comment is made or a line in the sand is drawn.
In reality the true, lasting costs to a full-blown family wealth conflict can be deep, wide, and permanent. A mediator can help family members understand the full costs and then find ways to reduce them.
by Jane Beddall on July 21, 2012
Paul Sullivan’s New York Times Wealth Matters column on July 7, 2012 was titled “In an Unusual Tax Year, the Wealthy Turn to Partnerships.” He described how the use of family limited partnerships is typically very limited, but the current tax situation makes them popular right now. Experts caution, however, that using these or similar tools to bind a family together can be a bad idea. As Jason Cain, of the family wealth group at Credit Suisse Private Bank, phrased it: “‘Families should be together because they want to be together, not because Grandpa decided there was going to be a family investment that could be never be liquidated and everyone should stay together.’”
For tax reasons or to promote idealized hopes about family harmony, families often create ties that bind. Frequently, these ties cause pain and conflict. Careful thought should precede creation of these ties. Failing that, families in conflict should try to address disputes sooner rather than later. In either case, facilitated family meetings or family wealth mediation can help.
by Jane Beddall on May 24, 2012
“Mediation for disputes involving trusts and estates: It’s an idea whose time has come.” That’s a quote from the program description for a Continuing Legal Education program presented by the New York State Bar Association. The program, “The Basics of Mediating Trusts & Estates Disputes CLE Program”, was co-sponsored by the Dispute Resolution Section and the Trusts & Estates Law Section.
Although I might say that it’s time should have come before May of 2012, I applaud the presentation — better late than never!
by Jane Beddall on February 14, 2012
Around Valentine’s Day we hear a lot about romantic love.
But family love is important, too, and a family break-up can be just as tragic as a couple’s. Sometimes it’s even worse.
Family mediation among adult siblings, between parent and child, or in some combination can prevent or heal family heartbreak. A facilitated family meeting can help loved ones address family conflict in a productive manner.
by Jane Beddall on July 16, 2011
On Sunday, July 3, 2o11, the New York Times ran an article by John Leland titled “Love and Inheritance: A Family Feud.” In it, he details the travails of 93 year old Celeste Holm, movie star of bygone days, and her family. She and her 48 year old husband are pictured in the Central Park West apartment where she has lived since 1953, which is now “at the center of a bitter family battle that has poisoned her relationships with her two sons and exhausted all her other assets, including the trust fund that was supposed to pay her living expenses.” This battle is described as one that looks different to every participant in the dispute: does the husband covet his wife’s fortune? do the sons covet an inheritance? is Ms. Holm simply trying to lead an independent life and is she still competent to do so?
Sadly, this family dispute ended up in court. As the article so neatly sums up a common problem with this kind of family wealth conflict: “Hanging over all the parties is the question of why the lawsuit lasted so long and cost so much money — the very money they were fighting over.” On that topic, too, the parties — naturally — see the situation from very different perspectives.
Could mediation have helped this situation? Could it still help? Perhaps. It’s hard to turn back the clock and see what might have worked. Even if the legal aspects could not be successfully mediated, a mediator could provide some assistance. Sometimes, even when one aspect of a family conflict over estate planning or settlement is not amenable to mediation, another aspect is. That’s party of the beauty of mediation: it’s flexible.
by Jane Beddall on February 23, 2011
I was surprised and delighted that the headline of my most recent blog post, The State of Connecticut Estate Planning, was “grabbed” by a Forbes.com contributor. Check out Hani Sarji’s blog on estate planning issues and my headline on February 13 : http://blogs.forbes.com/hanisarji/headline-grabs/. The blog, “Estate of Confusion”, captures blog posts that have covered estate planning and estate tax issues.
by Jane Beddall on February 12, 2011
A few days ago, the meeting of Estates and Probate Section of the Connecticut Bar Association focused on the state of estate planning now that changes in the federal estate tax have eliminated tax planning as a motivation for estate planning for many people. The take-away message was clear: apart from tax implications, reasons abound to carefully consider and plan for disposition of your estate.
The panel of experienced practitioners raised issues about creditors, spendthrifts, children with mental health issues, future marriages and existing offspring of a future spouse, family business concerns, and all manner of unintended consequences that can result from inaction or quick and easy plans.
What struck me the most was how much more difficult these issues are to consider and to discuss with family members than the dollars and cents of tax savings. And, thus, how tempting it is do nothing or to do something without a challenging, but essential, conversation. A perfect recipe for conflict.
by Jane Beddall on December 30, 2010
As 2010 draws to a close, year-end reviews become popular.
- We’re all told to take a cold, hard look at where we are and where we need to go.
- Businesses are encouraged to examine where they can make marginal changes to improve their bottom line.
- Individuals are urged to pick one, small change that they can implement to reduce stress and enjoy life more.
What about the big picture: the essential things you already know you must do, but somehow don’t get done?
- You know that your family business needs to create a succession plan, but you don’t know how to start the discussion, in the family or in the business.
- You know that you need to have a conversation with your family about your estate planning priorities and decisions.
- You know that you need to talk with your elderly parents about challenging topics related to aging.
I can help you with these conversations. Ask me how. Always a complimentary, confidential, initial consultation.